Becoming the Woman I Needed

Real Talk Vol. 14

No one sat me down and explained what being a woman really meant.

There were no whispered tips in the kitchen, no open conversations about confidence, heartbreak, or money.

No one told me how much tampons cost

or what it actually takes to build a life you’re proud of.

The women around me were beautiful and strong in their own ways,

but also private, guarded, and emotionally unavailable at times.

Everything felt like it had to be figured out in silence, behind a closed door.

So I did what a lot of us did:

I turned to the women I could access online and on TV.

Rihanna. Nicole Richie. Marilyn Monroe. Zendaya. Selena Gomez.

They made sense to me; confident, unbothered, and put together.

Women with presence.

Women who made you look.

Women who looked like they belonged to themselves.

As I got older, I added Tracee Ellis Ross. Ryan Destiny. Lana Del Rey. Zoë Kravitz. Lori Harvey.

That new-age softness mixed with “don’t try me” energy,

the quiet power of knowing who you are and not explaining it.

That’s who I envisioned for my future self.

And now?

I’m becoming her.

Not overnight.

Not without bumps.

But definitely with intention.

I’m figuring out what makes me feel good, what makes me feel powerful,

and how I want to be seen.

I’m healing.

I’m dressing for me.

I’m choosing peace.

I’m saying no without guilt.

I’m learning to love without losing myself.

No one taught me how to be confident

or how to say “I deserve better” and mean it.

I didn’t get step-by-step advice on filing taxes, picking a major,

or building emotional boundaries.

I had to learn it one misstep at a time,

some soft, some soul-crushing,

but all of them real.

And now that I’m in my late twenties,

it feels like a full-circle moment.

If I ever have a daughter, best believe she’ll know it all.

The good. The glam. The hard. The holy.

She’ll know how to hold her head high

and say no like it’s second nature.

She won’t have to guess what womanhood is,

because I’ll be there, handing her every gem I had to find on my own.

–C